Identity by Any Other Name:
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“Hello. Yeah, I'm coming to get you
now. No, I'm on the headset. So, you were right? It is there.
Alright, I'm parking, but I need to walk a ways. I don't want the car
to be hit. Yes, I brought it, don't worry,” David said as he exited
the car. He, on the other hand, was quite worried, and Sylvia knew
it. It was not as much that she could sense it in his voice, but
rather she was aware that he was not completely devoid of all
emotion. Therefore, he must be worried.
Sylvia broke the silence, “The
headset is good, it will allow me to spot for you.” No, that
wasn't it. She was off her game, she must be worried as well. She
needed a guaranteed distraction. “I've been meaning to ask you
something which might be useful now. What is spectrography?”
David paused, confused, “Basically,
almost no light is all one color. It is a mix of colors. If you
spread out the color of any object out, then you can see which are
bright and which are dim. Some objects can be very accurately
identified this way, but it is not any one color that does this for
an object. Rather it is the ratio of how all of them fit together.”
“It's a lot like you,” David continued.
Sylvia was relieved, he was rambling.
He will be less tense when he got to her.
“Most people only see one of your
colors. They don't know what makes up Sylvia Watson, but they try to
identify you on what little they know” David went on, “At the
Hospital, when they found out that it was my wife that solved the
greatest jewel heist in a century and prevented a monumental fraud,
they all assumed that you were some highly studied gem expert.”
“I hardly am, I knew almost nothing
about gems. The history of the piece, the family, or even the
previous theft where all foreign to me when I received the
assignment.” Sylvia replied.
“Yet, you wrote an article full of
expert knowledge, with conclusions, no-one would have expected, but
they are so solid no-one can refute them,” David said.
“My dear Doctor Watson, I simply
asked questions of those who knew more than me. If you do not recall,
I asked quite a bit of you,” Sylvia said.
“I am not a Doctor, yet, and you knew
what questions to ask. You used the answers to ask better questions.
You also recognized what was important, and put all of the pieces
together. What you are is a heck of a researcher, and quite an
amazing writer. You start with nothing and come up with pure gold.”
The praise in David's voice was discernible even through a slightly
shielded and quite compressed connection.
“I differ from the assessment of your
colleagues. I suppose this is a good thing.” Sylvia wanted to keep
him talking, but she also was genuinely intrigued with what David had
to say.
“Oh, it is definitely a good thing.
According to one doctor, I had better watch out. Because, there is no
way any investigative reporter will be employed ten years from now.
Supposedly, you will be draining my salary to fuel your obsession for
jewelry.” David spoke somewhat in shame to even be the bearer of
this news.
Sylvia always hated when he acted
ashamed, “David, that man, at least I am assuming it is a man that
said such a thing, does not know me. He does not know that I have
more Jewels than I could ever want at my Father's castle.”
“Will I ever be able to actually see
that someday, I have no proof of your riches” David interrupted.
“In time, my love. Besides, you know
the difference between knowing wealth and searching madly for it.
Where others saw random arson and vandalism in glass warehouses and
brass machining factories you saw the entirety of the spectrum, not
just one color.” Sylvia explained
“Well, a dragon searching for
treasure is pretty unmistakable.” Which is exactly what David saw
as he walked into the warehouse. Surprisingly to him, despite his
head to toe plate armor it didn't give him a second look, yet
continued on its searching. “Now where are you?”
“I am behind the metal barrels.”
Sylvia responded, now, very quietly. David could see why, she
trapped, hiding dangerously close to a thirty foot tall
fire-breathing monster.
David thought for a second. “OK, here
is the plan.” I slide my shield over to you. You will need it. I
then charge at it, and you run. I'll get knocked around a bit, then
it will pin me down. Then I'll chop off its paw. It will reel back in
pain, and I'll hack at it and about the third stroke I should land
the fatal blow. That is generally how these things go, and if we are
lucky, the resulting inferno should only torch a few city blocks.
Let's have at it.”
Sylvia, “Or, you could distract the
beast with my locket while I toss you my purse. Then make sure to
post it with the envelope in the side pocket.”
David removed the locket from his belt.
So, that is why Sylvia had told him to bring one of her few links to
her previous life, and the only thing she had kept through all of her
times of trial. It was to be dragon bait. “Hey, you, spicy breath,”
David shouted “I got something for you. Look, real gold.”
The dragon jolted at the word “Gold,”
and started for David. Just then, above its head flew a small purple
bag which it reasonably ignored. David did not ignore it, however. He
charged straight towards the dragon, meaning to catch the little
missile, and having caught it, reversed directions in the fastest
manner physically possible, which in this case involved bouncing off
the head of a dragon. Rolling to his feet David ran out the door and
took refuge under a reasonably sized truck.
David found the envelope sticking out
of the purse, and breathed a sigh of relief. It was one thing to be
chased by a dragon, but rummaging through a purse at the same time is
a bit much. He pulled the envelope out, and noted three things.
First, the envelope was not empty. Second, it was addressed to
Sylvia's father. Third, the dragon had now flipped the truck off of
David, and he was staring straight up into it's mouth. This usually
is not a time that is conducive to getting good, or even reasonable
ideas, yet, this is when David had one. Rolling under another truck
he darted behind the nearest wooden pole he could find. The dragon
leaped towards him and entangled itself in the power-lines the pole
just happened to to have been placed to support. Arcs of thirteen
thousand volts flashed in the air. David thought himself pretty
clever, until the dragon cleared the lines from itself completely
unphased.
“Right ,” David thought to himself,
“I am getting my elements all messed up. You don't fight fire with
electricity. you fight fire with...” David stepped around a yellow
steel protrusion. The dragon, had grown weary of this pursuit, and
was ready to end it the way dragons do best. Hoisting itself on it's
hind legs, the dragon prepared to turn the shining armor into
charred armor, when with a magically effortless flick of his wrist,
David cleaved the fire Hydrant in front of him in two leading to a
geyser shooting straight into a the dragon's mouth. For anyone so
lucky as to see the show, one would be delighted to see the flashes
of electrical arcs reflecting off the water in the night. It truly
was a sight to behold. Yet, David saw it not. He was round a corner,
and into a doorway as quickly as a man in unreasonably lightweight
armor could carry himself. Slicing through the lock he ran inside.
Placing the purse over his shoulder, he examined the envelope. It
contained some red sealing wax, and Sylvia's royal seal, the only
item (other than some paperwork) that Sylvia had been sent from her
homeland.
Now it all made sense, well sort of.
David tossed the locket into the envelope and looked up to search
for a source of heat to melt the wax. What he found was a the face of
a very angry dragon a foot from his own face. That is when he got his
second good idea, and this idea was much better than the last one,
although, probably not to the outside observer. David tossed the
royal seal into the open mouth of the dragon, who twisted, gaged and
spat the seal back out. Grabbing the now glowing seal off the ground.
David headed back to the street wondering just how the dragon got in
that building. Surveying the lay of the lane he saw a mailbox a
block away. Weaving between the electric polls, David heard the
dragon behind him inconsiderately ripping through everything in it's
path. David reached the mailbox, and flipping open that ever
enjoyable mailbox door, he deposited the envelope inside, before
reeling around it for cover and drawing his sword. The dragon charged
to the box and quite unexpectedly stopped. It sniffed the box, and
looked at it on all sides before retreating to the top of the
building across the street.
“Alright, I mailed it. The odd thing
is, that a soon as I put it in, the box, the dragon pulled away. It
wouldn't even touch the box.”
“Of course not, my love. Mail fraud
is a very serious offense, in this country. A dragon would never dare
interfere with the United States Postal Service. I am coming out
now.” Sylvia explained.
“Use the back way, The downed lines
out here are a mess. So what, now it just sits there and waits. Is
it going to follow the envelope until it is delivered? What then?”
David asked.
“It is headed to my father. His
knights are more than prepared for a dragon, and I am certain they
will appreciate the excitement. They will dispose of this beast in an
good rocky area away from the populous.”
David looked back at the street. “Yeah,
I suppose some downed power lines, a burst hydrant are preferable to
half of the city burning down, but explain how the postal service is
going to be able to deliver an envelope to a magical country.”
“My seal grants them permission to
enter and vouches for all postage to be paid on receipt.” Sylvia
explained.
“No, I mean how can the post office
deliver to a land no-one knows how to get to, and for that matter,
why are dragons afraid of them?”
“You have a surprisingly great deal
to learn about the history your own country. Every child in my land
can answers your queries.”
“Well maybe you can tell me over
dinner. I'm thinking Barbecue.”
“My dear David Watson, this pattern
worries me. If we make it a habit to dine out every time we have the
slightest adventure we will consume our small finances before you
finish your education.” Sylvia rounded a corner and came face to
face with the oddest knight the world had seen in a while. One with a
an image of the Rod of Ascleplus on his shield and a purple purse
over his shoulder, who drives a compact car, and who caries an
electrified stethoscope. She hung up her phone.
“The car is this way.” David
pointed.
Sylvia stopped and squinted, “Oh,
take off that silly helmet, and kiss me.”
love it. made me laugh. riffling thru a purse and being chased by a dragon is a bit much to ask of one man
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